RAINBOWS ARE MADE OF PINK AND GOLD

My daughter had her heart broken for the first time when she was just 5 months old. My daughter has golden hair and golden eyes. A dimpled chin, thick perfectly unruly curls, big lips and a smile wide enough to enrapture the whole world. She is more than Angelina Jolie drop dead gorgeous. But even she has had her heart broken. Because some people are just that blind. Blind, at best. She’s always known what she likes. What she wants. She’s always known herself. Her mind. Always. She is SO undeniably MY daughter. But so much more beautiful. And she’s confidently gone forth into and taken her stand in this terrifying world. And she’s always had a “type”. Five months old and with a type! She lay there, propped up in her carrier beside me in Starbucks. Already accustomed to the world fawning. A man, of her type, got up, walked past us. She narrowed in, fixed her flirtatious gaze, cast her enchanting spell, ...and he walked past. Without so much as a glance in her direction. And she was crestfallen. I watched her very happy little heart break into a million pieces before me. I watched her gorgeous gold eyes turn grey. Her anticipation of attention fallen short, she burst into tears, gilded drops of deprivation falling from those beautiful mirrors of her innocent little infant soul. Doesn’t the world know that babies need smiling eyes?

My daughter is a one of a kind fearless force to be reckoned with. The only girl amidst a dozen boys at any given pump track, always decked head to toes in pink, on her pink bedazzled mountain bike, more stickers and sparkles on it than real estate, pushing past those pretty boys as they hesitate, ..and she doesn’t.

I know the exact moment we last laughed together and danced and picked flowers. I know the exact moment I last held her body tight against mine and her hand in my own. I know the exact moment I last saw her perfect face, last heard her voice. I know the exact moment she last heard me tell her I love her. The artist Kesha put it perfectly, truthfully, when she sang, when she SCREAMED, "SOME THINGS ONLY GOD CAN FORGIVE!!!" Standing in the face of that which is unforgivable, I will remain resolutely fearless. For her - for that golden little girl who is my daughter. I will not change my lifestyle, my passions, my aspirations, my goals, my destinations, my anything. I will show her she can live freely. Because one day she will see. She will see who he is. What he is. And she will see me. I will show her you can fall down, you can be thrown down, and you can get really really scraped up, and you can still get up. And you can damn well wear pink from head to toes if you want to!